My Uncle died last Saturday. We knew it was coming and i got to say goodbye to him the week before, and surprisingly i was ok. it was just the little things that i remembered of him that made me miss him the most.....the fact that he was the only one besides mr. paul who would lift me up and spin me when he gave me a hug...and his humor at any moment and about anyone in the family hahaha.......i didn't go to the funeral. i was sick of crying. i dont think im grieving tho either and that's not very good, but idk i dont feel the urge to cry. its over he's at peace why should i cry. im sick of crying over things....i wish i was stronger some days, but then i know that i wouldn't be so empathetic to others if i wasnt so emotional. lately things have been hard. many changes have occured and a break has been made...and im just going to let the break sit and perhaps heal as best as it can on its own.
part of me is free from stress because of things, and a part of me is in distress because of others. i am happy and carefree and as of today ive decided to stand and dance and twirl in the rain EVERYTIME i get a chance today was a blessing. i love the smell of it, and the feel, and the way it frees your soul. Its really weird not to be listening to music and typing at the same time lol just a bit of randomosity for you lol AMANDA CAME IN!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! and i went to wow !! which was the first time in over a year. but i loved it as before. its just a bit of organized religion. i can deal with that lol. i still question so much. i dont want to get too involved.
do u ever wonder if you're too opinionated? well i do. im always questioning things....i think its good in my opinion lol here i go again lol but in others its not. i wonder y that is? I try to question to see what i believe and to form my own belief system. which is in progress at all times and has been since i was five and memorized the liturgy of the Eucharist lol (Catholic thing) anyway....i guess i just want a place to pray and to remember to pray. lately ive been able to sleep without talking to God and thinking over my day...awkward much? not like a lot my life hasn't been awkward lately.
carlos is amazing. we made six months last week.  i love him so much. we've been spending A LOT of time together so ive been trying to seperate days lol so like saturdays are usually carlos' day and then friday is a friend day and sunday in a family day lol im good at this proption thing lol its just the getting the friends together is the harder part lol but anyway im enjoying life even with crazyness from show choir....AHHHHHH!!
ooo OOOO!! im going to be working with the mini yats this year!!! SWEET! im sooo excited! the only thing is that its for 2 weeks and im gonna need another job for the rest of the summer. so after the second week of june i have to go look for another job....oh wat fun lol i really wish there was a book store closer to my neighborhood...but nope lol owell
i saw this amazing car today after dress rehearsal for show choir! by the way my friends should come see the choir perform on mon and tuesday!!! at seven PLEASE COME! if u want to come just PM me or something along those lines lol it looks soooo good, andi must say i look quick gorgeous in my red dress! hehehehe i cant wait to see camalot either! WOOT! lol oOoOo i want nutter butters.....hahahhaa random
oh another thing...i want to say how lucky i am to have a best friend who i can share everything in the world with and not feel uncomfortable. silence is beautiful and everyday i thank god that i have you, shae. without you idk where i'd be  | 
nahhh! wont happen lol have a great summer guys oooh! and dont forget to go to the library convention hahahah! my gangster friends know wat i mean hehehehe
